Dealing with "Missing Out Grief"

Hello Faithful and Awesome Readers! God bless you today!!

I wanted to share with you a great concept and a great scripture that has been brought to my heart lately. The Lord is truly working great wonders among us as we come upon our 1 year with Ruthie in glory. Has it been easy? NO But a better question is has it been fruitful? YES! I am learning that bearing fruit is not a painless process...the energy and effort required to bear fruit and the pain associated with it is very close to laboring and birthing a child...a pain I can relate to well as I come up on bearing my 4th this January!

Update on me: Hannah and I are great. And you know what I am expecting. That word this time around means so much more. How many Moms say, "I'm expecting my second." Well this time expectation is through the roof...not only am I expecting to have a child, I am expecting my living child, the child that God has granted to us, not to replace Ruthie, but to bless us in our walk...because not only can God take away, but when He does He ALWAYS gives back to the faithful. Thank you Jesus! It has been a big step expecting. The enemy still tries to scare me, worry me but Satan has nothing on me and Jesus! I bought my first piece of clothing for Hannah, and it was hard in the store...I didn't want to do it, but Jesus used the faith of a child to get me to do it. Justus said, "Mom, if you don't buy Hannah clothes she is going to come home naked!" Oh Lord, THANK YOU for a child of faith that believes as we all do...HANNAH WILL COME HOME WITH US!

Anyway, let me post my scripture and I think it will be obvious to you how it applies to me, and maybe it will hit home with whatever struggle you find yourself in.

Psalm 71:19-21

Also, Your righteousness

O God, is very high

You who have done great things;

O God who is like You?

You who have shown me great and severe troubles,

Shall revive me again,

And bring me up again from

the depths of the earth.

You shall increase my greatness,

And comfort me on every side.

This my dear friends is a promise! One I intend to cling to. This is one where you can personalize it and say, "Lord you have allowed great trouble to befall me, but who is so good as You that You WILL revive me again, increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side!"

I was at a parent bereavement group a few weeks ago and something was said there that spoke to my spirit so greatly. The woman said (and I am paraphrasing), "Nothing about my future changed when my son died." WOW! I soaked it in, and thought about it for weeks before I was ready to birth this blog post. Here's why...if I am going to type it to you, I myself must believe it and walk in it. I think so much of our pain, when we gain an eternal child is all the things we missed. Example, not having Ruthie is harder because I constantly put the pressure on myself of everything I will miss: her first steps, her graduation, her wedding, her first child etc. The list is almost endless. This has been so intense at times for me that I have actually thought that when Hannah arrives it will be harder for me because I will see her and all the things I never saw Ruthie do. I was not buried in this pain, but I wasn't free from it. You see for me having Hannah was not to replace Ruthie, in fact I always thought it would be harder to watch Hannah grow up because I didn't have Ruthie. Hannah was not my way of healing, she was not conceived out of desperation for a child but rather out of obedience to the Lord.

To dwell on this sister's word about her future caused great thinking in my spirit. Can I really live free of all the things I "missed out on"? The answer is yes...here is why. Death is part of our sinful earth. And while I put all that blame on our sin and Satan himself, I also know that God must filter everything through His sovereign hands. Because God is omnipotent and omniscient, He knew this would happen. Ruthie did not take my God by surprise, it took me by surprise but not Him. Because of that...my future with Ruthie was never ordained therefore I CANNOT MISS OUT ON IT. I can't miss out on something that was never created. Ruthie was created and designed with a specific purpose in mind: to bring people closer to Jesus. She is STILL fulfilling that, and doing a wonderful job at it. God has and is using her for His glory and His kingdom, but an earthly wedding, a graduation and child are not part of that purpose. Thinking on that, I am free from the pain of the "missing out grief". I now realize my future and my purpose changed not. Nothing about who I am to be in the coming years changed because Ruthie is in Jesus' arms and not mine...my future is planned, secure, and blessed. Not to mention, I have ETERNITY with her. Who knows what great and awesome things we parents who "missed out" on our child's lives will be blessed with because we endured this painful thorn for our entire earthly lives? If you are a parent of a child with Jesus, I just know He has something so special for us up there, for we have endured great hardship, pain and sorrow-filled nights, but in Heaven it will be joy and dancing and who knows what awesome things He has waiting for us to experience up there...alongside our children.

"Lord, as if our children are not enough, thank you that Heaven will be so much greater than even uniting with them...they are not the only thing we have to look forward too. You are so good to us!"

Thanks for taking the time to listen!