Ruthie Mac turns 2 Dec 9, 2012

Brooke drew a picture

Justus wrote "Merry Christmas"

I realize this post is about a month overdue, but I am finally sitting down to pictures from my Christmas season and getting to edit them a bit.  This was Ruthie's second heavenly birthday and we tried to celebrate in the "typical" manner.  

We bring breakfast to a local park, eat, let off balloons with letters that we pray Jesus will pass on to her, and then sing happy birthday to her and enjoy dessert.  This year did not go as smoothly as last year...

...honestly it left me a tad bitter at first.

We tried to bring breakfast to a local park only to walk in on a SWARM of gnats.  I mean e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e.  Poor Hannah at one point had at least 50-100 bugs on her face, in her hair...just horribly uncomfortable.  We leave.

We get home, take out the balloons (that I usually get the night before as to avoid a rush/stress the morning of) and they are completely deflated... along with my spirit.  They barely float.  Mine...yeah, stuck in my neighbors tree... awesome.





A rough beginning to a rough morning.  Then I just got mad.  Yes, for the first time since Ruthie died, I had a tinge of anger towards God.  I look up to the sky and cry out..."I ASK FOR ONE DAY... ONE DAY... and THESE are the circumstances YOU give me?!"  I know, not my finest hour, but after battling thousands of bugs and my own pain, I had it.  My petty one sided fight with God went something like this, "I know you could keep the balloons inflated, you could have answered my prayers when I took dominion over the gnats and command them leave me... and yet we are home with a balloon that bears my heart and soul STUCK in my neighbors tree..."  Again, I am not proud of my response, God didn't deserve it (He never does, but He gladly listened to me and then swooped in and saved me later).  I share this from the position of victory, confession, and repentance.

My learning take away: Her birthday celebration does not have to be perfect.  Just like there were a few snags in Brooke's parties and Justus' parties, there can be snags in the game plan of Ruthie's.  THE PARTY IS NOT MY ONLY WAY OF PROVING MY UNDYING LOVE FOR HER.  Hanging on to an event as a method/party/plan to deal with pain rather than Christ Himself is a bad idea.  I prove my love for her through the daily attitude of my heart that the Lord sees each time I minister my testimony, teach my children about life, and take time to remember her.  I don't have to ask "for just one day"  I have EVERY day to have a heart that ministers the love I have for my Savior and my daughter.  Her birthday doesn't have to be perfect, first because I am not perfect, but mostly because I don't need just ONE DAY.

 So this year our pictures are in our backyard and our balloons didn't fly.  But, the beauty is that the message on the balloons is written on the hearts of those who decorated them.  God sees the heart, and will reveal to Ruthie as He sees fit.  Ah the sweet beauty of redemption.  I can't live a single day without it.

Happy Birthday Ruthie Mac, you are loved, a treasure stored away in Heaven, whose footprints that never walked this earth have been imprinted on my heart until the day I see eternity.  I Love You.