So, since the autopsy results, Brian and I have been attempting pregnancy again. I feel as though I have heard clearly from the Lord and I believe that there are more children for us. In no way do I think this next child will take Ruthie's place, but rather God has more children for us and my own fear should not be getting in the way of the Lord's will to be done. Since hearing from the Lord He has given me great peace to go forward. In previous posts, I have shared a bit of my conversation with Him. He has also spoken greatly to me since then, though I have not been blogging. The most recent verse that God has brought into my path, blew me away.
In my recent reading, I came across a verse that I believe is a promise God wanted to place deep into my heart for those moments of fear that might begin to creep up in future pregnancies. It comes from the book of Zechariah, which I should inform spends time outlining Christ's work on earth and what will happen during his ministry. Specifics like down to the donkey ride...pretty neat stuff if you haven't read it. Regardless, in that pops up this verse that I just love:
So many things strike me about this verse that apply to my life. First off what is this waterless pit? The first thing that I thought of was being dry, not swimming in anything- not water, not God's grace or mercy...nothing. God has completely spared me from the waterless pit...the pit of spiritual dryness. In fact, even while He was emptying me, He was refilling me. God has always kept my cup overflowing through this journey. He has freed me to be full, swimming in His living water and abounding in His grace and mercy this entire time.
He has no doubt been my fortress of strength, security, and peace. A place that I can run to in my times of need. Then I thought Am I a prisoner of hope? Am I so taken by hope that I am captured by it and cannot be released from it. In other words...are my hopes up in my life or am I following the mediocre life that tell me "Don't get your hopes up." Even now that line shutters through my bones as I think about how many people have been tossed and turned by the storms of life and are afraid to get their hopes up in Christ. Am I a prisoner of hope? Is hope my fortress that I return to when life gets rough? Well...to be honest 6 months ago I might not be able to say that because life was just as I had always dreamed. Now though, I can say that it is all I am holding onto. The hope of my calling. That God has something so great for me that I cannot even fathom it. I am prisoner to hope, I am bound by hope, it follows me like a ball and chain everywhere I go. But instead of God using that prison of hope to keep me shackled in one place, He uses it to give me an ever strong foundation that can propel me into an ever greater future. Oh how GREAT You are my King!!!
Then comes the kicker. The best part of this scripture. "Even now I announce I will restore twice as much to you." How do I know that He is talking to me? Well previously in the verses God talks about the "blood covenant" which I believe refers to Jesus' death. I am part of that New or blood covenant because I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. The word choice here "restore" means something has been taken away or broken. God's promise is that should He need to take away from us, He will restore us...in this case twice as much.
What precious thing has God allowed to be taken from you? Maybe you cannot relate to handing your child back to Jesus before ever truly knowing them, but I am sure there is something in your life that you thought of as precious that God said "NO" or "WAIT" to. Even though He said no right now (or in our case "wait" since we will see Ruthie again) do you remain a prisoner of hope to the future that God has laid out for you? Are you so wrapped up in hope that you are free to receive the blessings that God wants to pour out twofold on you? I can honestly say YES! The pain of Ruthie is still so great...even worse as we head into Resurrection Sunday and just celebrated Good Friday knowing that God handed His son over for my life. I am more than thankful for a God that can relate to my pain. But in that there is hope that I hold on to with everything in me, knowing that God will bring all things to completion for my benefit.
As Resurrection Sunday rolls around, and you realize the power of a God that allowed His son to die on the cross so that we might be saved, I have one question for you. How much hope are you putting in Christ's resurrection? Are you living a life of faith that keeps Jesus in the tomb or are you living out your faith-filled HOPE that Christ didn't stay in the tomb but rose again for you to have victory and power on this earth? I choose faith-filled hope and I can only pray you will as well.
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